Tuesday, March 9, 2021

Icebreakers at Speed Dating Night Under the I-35 Bridge

I burglarized a van last night

it was unlocked.

I suppose it was asking for it, right

forgive me, his words, not mine,

but,

did you “fuck” her? 

yes, but I saved them

so much on car insurance

by leaving the window intact. 


a pair of mockingbirds dive on a

gray stray hauling 

substantial testicular heft,

one of their own in his mouth.

his, the unbroken stride of  

a former senator going in for a handshake

with BB King during the Clinton Administration.

outraged at this senseless routine

they bang their beaks on kitty’s rib cage

over and over again


I curse relative comfort

upon the cardboard that protects my skin but sucks for fucking.

survey the land underneath the bridge

offer my wrists 

to the patrolman in exchange for help locating his mind.

he declines and proposes,

without walls,

I don’t exist


So. order of business #1 

since time is either what I’m doing wrong 

or not doing enough of, I propose 

Gods,

judge me not as a God.

who could even pass this test:


Stand up if you’ve never touched an uncircumsized penis. 

Stay seated if not. If so, 

Turn 7 degrees until your left is east if you’ve ever “tongued” anything:

envelope, Jello Pudding Pop,  et al.

slap your knee until standing still if you give and receive in wrong ratios. 

from the squatting position, slow trot 

and sheepshank your neighbor’s chukka

if and only if you’ve never, ever,

stuck your finger up your own ass.

Now turn again

say amen.

time’s up,

you’re done.

don’t forget to rate your date

(and follow us on Instagram)


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